Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize