have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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