I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
