Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
