I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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