They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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