cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
