My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Who died my cat blue again?
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