i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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