I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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