At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
