Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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