i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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