remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
