your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
