dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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