i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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