another moral hangover. fuck.
I skipped work to stalk him.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
