your thong is hanging out like whoa
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The adults are the big ones right?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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