I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
