Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
