So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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