You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
