This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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