it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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