What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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