If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
