Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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