just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
