don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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