No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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