you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
