Why are handjobs necessary in class?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
