took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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