too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
