chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
