he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
