My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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