But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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