just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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