the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
