let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
