Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
