i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
