Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
