How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
