Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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