Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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