Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
