went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Pants are for mortals
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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