I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
