remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
