3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize