Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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