Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
