I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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