She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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