Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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