maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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