I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
