nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
