you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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