help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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