Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
