Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize