What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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