i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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