In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
