Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
