Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the condom got lost in my hair
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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