i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
