Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
