He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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