Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
