I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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