He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize