FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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