ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
