It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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