marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
