we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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