this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
