We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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