WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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