put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize