I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
