I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
