I need help removing her.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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