WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
