Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
