you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
