So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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