When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
