I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
