She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
