If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
